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I was wondering if anyone could help shed some light on how to stop feeling so insecure when having sex or talking about sex.

I know my feelings are completely irrational
but when my boyfriend suggest that I try something with him that he's stated he's tried before and liked it makes me insecure. I know it shouldn't because there's things that I like and only know through previous experience but when I hear something like
"I love performing oral sex like this on a girl" it kind of makes me nervous
or like "I generally love having girl on top sex" and it makes me worried thinking maybe it isn't his favorite anymore because I'm not very good at it.

I feel like my performance is lacking and that he onlys says I'm the best because he knows I'm insecure.

He cheated on his ex and I asked how that managed to happen and she performed girl on top and it's just these terrible terrible mental images.

And he lied once about trying something before - he said he hadn't and I know it was good of him to be honest about it with me it still kind of made me wonder what else he may have lied about sexually.

Overall I have terrible self esteem and I'm planning on marrying him. We're engaged and planning on moving in. However, i don't know if I can do it if I can't rationally think of why I feel this way.

What can I do to make this worry go away and feel alright and detatched about it?

Thank you so much

I was wondering if anyone could help shed some light on how to stop feeling so insecure when having sex or talking about sex.

I know my feelings are completely irrational
but when my boyfriend suggest that I try something with him that he's stated he's tried before and liked it makes me insecure. I know it shouldn't because there's things that I like and only know through previous experience but when I hear something like
"I love performing oral sex like this on a girl" it kind of makes me nervous
or like "I generally love having girl on top sex" and it makes me worried thinking maybe it isn't his favorite anymore because I'm not very good at it.

I feel like my performance is lacking and that he onlys says I'm the best because he knows I'm insecure.

He cheated on his ex and I asked how that managed to happen and she performed girl on top and it's just these terrible terrible mental images.

And he lied once about trying something before - he said he hadn't and I know it was good of him to be honest about it with me it still kind of made me wonder what else he may have lied about sexually.

Overall I have terrible self esteem and I'm planning on marrying him. We're engaged and planning on moving in. However, i don't know if I can do it if I can't rationally think of why I feel this way.

What can I do to make this worry go away and feel alright and detatched about it?

Thank you so much

I think you summed everything up when you said your "feelings are completely irrational". You should be glad you have such a sexually outspoken guy who isn't afraid to tell you what he likes and what he wants to try. Communication is a huge part of great sex.

On the other hand, I know what you're going through. An ex of mine was way more experienced than I was sexually, and every time he wanted to try something new, I would wonder what other girl taught him that and if I was going to be nearly as good at it as she was. Sounds to me like you're haunted by your BF's past a little bit.

Maybe you're just having some cold feet and wondering if he's doubting whether you're really the one for him. What you need to do is tell yourself that you two wouldn't be moving in together and getting married if you weren't sexually compatible.

What you could do - and this may turn out to be a great couples bonding activity - is start doing some reading on building your self-esteem...and ask him if you can practice with him. You'll feel self-conscious and stupid at first, but eventually you'll become more comfortable in your own skin.

The only other thing I can suggest you do is talk to him about it. My ex and I did that, then he suggested we watch the movie "Chasing Amy" together, which we did. It's all about a guy who hears that the girl he's fallen in love with has somewhat of a sketchy sexual past and how he figures out how to deal with it. It helped me come to terms with two very different levels of experience in the relationship...and after a while, I stopped thinking about all the other girls.

Just LET GO and have fun! It's sex with the man you love! It's a beautiful, wonderful thing! Enjoy it! :)

Your guy should NOT compare your sexual ways to what he has had in the past. If he really loves you he wont make you feel even more insecure, he would help make your performance more fun and enjoyable. He needs to stop lying period. Honesty is the key. And if he cheated on his ex be careful because he could do the same thing to you. Once a guy cheats he may not stop. Be careful, all good girls deserve the best and nothing less.

Well I may be biting more than I can chew here as I'm not a licensed therapist, but I can give you my point of view. If you're engaged I would think you didn't propose to him rather him to you, therefore he surely sees something in the relationship. If he's been with a few girls before and is apparently experienced, and still decided to be with you, get engaged with you, and make the commitment of moving in together, then again, he must surely like something of you. That something is you :) Sex is definitely important, but remember, if he's doing it with you and coming back for more, then something is working. Try to communicate with him about sex, about your likes, dislikes, and tell him about your insecurities, but don't try to shut him down or under-perform because you think you're not up to standard. Try to build up your self-esteem, take up a hobby, hit the gym, try to participate in your boyfriend's hobbies and likes, and most importantly, enjoy life, life is good to you, think about it, you're young, you're engaged, you've got your whole life ahead of you, and don't be scared to get a little kinky under the covers. Good luck ;)

Well I may be biting more than I can chew here as I'm not a licensed therapist, but I can give you my point of view. If you're engaged I would think you didn't propose to him rather him to you, therefore he surely sees something in the relationship. If he's been with a few girls before and is apparently experienced, and still decided to be with you, get engaged with you, and make the commitment of moving in together, then again, he must surely like something of you. That something is you :) Sex is definitely important, but remember, if he's doing it with you and coming back for more, then something is working. Try to communicate with him about sex, about your likes, dislikes, and tell him about your insecurities, but don't try to shut him down or under-perform because you think you're not up to standard. Try to build up your self-esteem, take up a hobby, hit the gym, try to participate in your boyfriend's hobbies and likes, and most importantly, enjoy life, life is good to you, think about it, you're young, you're engaged, you've got your whole life ahead of you, and don't be scared to get a little kinky under the covers. Good luck ;)

Why not start by asking him to change how he suggests things? He can still tell you things he'd like to try without mentioning that he's done it before. It can be easier to do things if you don't feel like you're being compared to anyone else in the past. And guys aren't that complex. If he says he likes doing things with you, he does. Why don't you spend some time thinking of things you'd like to try because it sounds good to you, not because he might like it? You're allowed to be happy too.

I know what u mean, i hated when my guy use to say things like that. so what i did was i would say something about what i like from experience and i could tell he didn't like hearing about my activities with other guys. And when i noticed i said see it isn't fun when i say something like that to u huh? and he said no cause i picture it in my mind and i don't like the thought of u with someone else. And from there we never said anything about past experiences to each other again. Problem solved and i forgot about the things he said and he did too. It's best to forget cause then u always have that with u and ur torturing yourself. And u become miserable. So try that if it works then it works if it doesn't then just tell him that it bothers u. That's what i do now when ever my guy who i live with does something or says something i don't like i tell him straight up look i don't like it when u do that so stop. and he does :) If u 2 are moving in together u need to talk to each other about thing u like or don't like or else it's not gonna work out.

Firstly, it is not irrational to feel insecure about sexual matters. Here is the really big surprise, we all do! Looking at movies, magazines etc. we get an image of what a good sex partner is. That is not the way it works. Also do not compare previous sexual experiences because no two people touch each other the same way.Men often talk about sex as if they know all there is to know, however, this is they're way of hiding they're own insecurities. If you are in love, you will automatically do the right thing.
Remember explore each other and enjoy each other. You happen to be just one more very normal person.I am a man and have often been guilty of the same points I mentioned. Relax and all will be well.

Irrational yes sex as been around since time started nothing new . I use to feel the same way but, I found some people enjoy hearing about the act of sex while having sex . sometimes making the act of sex more fun .also letting that people know what make you feel good and how your enjoying them.Let you boyfriend know the state of mind he puts you in when stating his request of play turns you off .
Why must you feel that you are the one lacking, maybe it's him. Knowing all the move don't mean he is good at movement . Having you on top may be the only way he can go the distance. Have you ever though of that. And as long as he knows are think you feel this way let him thinks he is so wonder at making love. But i do know before you can please any one in sex ,you must allow yourself to enjoy . sometimes you must block out please him and allow yourself that moment. trust me your self esteem will build up Just let yourself enjoy and it will happen